Your love language may not be quality time, but that doesn't mean it isn't important. The great thing about quality time together is that it's totally open to interpretation.
Whether you and your partner feel closest when you're watching a black-and-white movie on the weekend or cooking your favorite meal together on a weeknight, it's imperative that you keep the connection alive and well. Reminding each other why you're together will only strengthen what you have. Equally important as quality time together, though, is quality time apart. Brenner reminds us that you should both take time for yourselves, too, to do those things that are important to each of you individually.
This ties back into maintaining your own identity as part of a couple. Every time you and your partner make each other smile, it releases oxytocin and other happiness-inducing chemicals in the brain that make you feel closer. As if you needed an excuse to goof off together. You and your partner don't need to have the exact same vision of a white picket fence, but your life goals should be compatible.
If you've always wanted children, you shouldn't have to sacrifice being a parent because they don't want to be one. Similarly, if living on the same coast as your family is important to you, but your partner is dying to live on the other side of the country, they may not be the one for you.
When it comes to successful couples, "you both know what you want out of life, what your common goals are, what you wish to accomplish in life, and are firmly committed to achieving things together," says Brenner.
Sometimes unpredictable events throw a wrench in your plans, so being able to stay positive through a less-than-ideal moment is crucial. While some people are naturally optimistic and positive, others have to think their way to happiness. No matter which type of person you are, being able to be positive is important for a relationship's long-term success. For instance, if you are having trouble getting pregnant and it's dragging you down emotionally, having a partner who can lift you back up will strengthen your bond and your ability to get through hard times in the future.
That said, remember to have realistic expectations of your partner, the relationship, and the future. You'll set yourself up for disappointment if you dream too far outside the realm of possibility. Your Privacy Rights. To change or withdraw your consent choices for Brides. At any time, you can update your settings through the "EU Privacy" link at the bottom of any page. Your specific needs around communication, sex , affection, space, shared hobbies or values, and so on may change throughout life.
So, a relationship that works in your 20s may be nothing like the relationship you want in your 30s. For example, people who practice polyamory or ethical nonmonogamy might define a healthy relationship somewhat differently than people who practice monogamy. Partners in healthy relationships typically talk about the things going on in their lives: successes, failures, and everything in between.
You should be comfortable talking about any issues that come up, from things that happen in everyday life, such work or friend stress, to more serious issues, such as mental health symptoms or financial concerns. Even if they have a different opinion, they listen without judgment and then share their perspective. Communication goes both ways.
Trust involves honesty and integrity. You know they have your best interests in mind but also respect you enough to encourage you to make your own choices. Healthy relationships are best described as interdependent. Interdependence means you rely on each other for mutual support but still maintain your identity as a unique individual. In other words, your relationship is balanced.
You still have friends and connections outside the relationship and spend time pursuing your own interests and hobbies. You want to watch them grow into their best self. It also involves realism. You see them for who they truly are and care about that person, not an idealized version of them. Most people in healthy relationships prioritize spending time together, though the amount of time you spend together can vary based on personal needs, work and other commitments, living arrangements, and so on.
But you also recognize the need for personal space and time on your own. Maybe you spend this time relaxing solo, pursuing a hobby, or seeing friends or family.
Sometimes life challenges or distress might affect one or both of you. This can temporarily change the tone of your relationship and make it hard to relate to each other in your usual ways. But being able to share lighter moments that help relieve tension, even briefly, strengthens your relationship even in tough times.
Intimacy often refers to sex, but not always. Not everyone enjoys or wants sex. If neither of you have interest in sex, physical intimacy might involve kissing, hugging, cuddling, and sleeping together. Whatever type of intimacy you share, physically connecting and bonding is important.
A strong relationship can be considered a team. What matters is how you address conflict. Partners who address conflict without judgment or contempt can often find a compromise or solution. Your relationship should contribute to a sense of fulfillment, happiness, and connection. If you tend to feel more anxious , distressed, or unhappy around your partner, your relationship may be struggling. But it may help point out some possible issues.
Boundaries can come into play across your relationship, from respectful communication to privacy needs. Express your needs. Create a truly open channel of communication with your partner. If you can't be honest without feeling guilty or feeling like it's going to start a big fight, it might not be the right relationship for you.
Psychology may explain bad behavior, but it doesn't excuse it. Even if you understand why your partner sometimes does hurtful things to you, if they're not trying to change for the better, you need to draw a line. When you continue to spend time with them, laugh, have sex, and otherwise pretend that everything's OK, you're offering positive reinforcement that they don't actually need to change. Set some ground rules. Don't wait around for someone to change if they're not actively working on themselves now ; you can't have a relationship with someone's "potential.
Relationships can be like old shoes—we stay in them even when they are no longer functional because they are comfortable. But comfort is rarely an indication of a life well-lived. When your relationship is in crisis, it's natural to go to your friends for advice. But the symphony of opinions can sometimes drown out the only voice that matters—your own. Get quiet. Clear mental space, so you can hear your intuition.
Can this relationship be saved? Is it in your best interest? Are you being pushed to grow? Are you truly giving each other what you each need? Your heart will never fail you, so learn to listen. Relationships are supposed to be fun! And joyous, and warm, and filled with laughter and affection.
People in long-term relationships tend to forget this over time, and that's why so many couples eventually break up because they believe the "spark" is gone.
Make time to play together. Create an atmosphere of levity and positivity when you're together. Speak lovingly to each other, always.
Hug each other, cuddle, and hold hands. These small things are what make relationships so wonderful in the first place, and keeping these loving practices alive is key to making a relationship work in the long run. Our FREE doctor-approved gut health guide. You are now subscribed Be on the lookout for a welcome email in your inbox! Main Navigation. Log in Profile. Saved Articles. Contact Support. Log Out. Your cart is empty. Our online classes and training programs allow you to learn from experts from anywhere in the world.
Explore Classes. Monica Parikh is a former attorney turned dating coach. She is the founder of School of Love NYC, where she teaches classes on breakup recovery, social-emotional skills, and relationship psychology.
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