It is sometimes difficult to know what to say to a bereaved person. If you find yourself tongue-tied or uncertain of what to do in the face of someone's loss, here are some ideas to help you. To learn more about ways to live with your own loss and grief or assist others in the same situation, read Grief and Loss , a Special Health Report from Harvard Medical School.
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The first years are hardest, as it takes time to integrate profound loss. Grief is hard work and makes the everyday stuff so much more difficult. Talk about the person who has died. When they are ready, they will remember. They may want to tell you the same story over and over. Listen and be present in whatever way you can. Free Resources. Sleep Stories. Gift Cards. If their loved one died after a long illness, the bereaved person may be struggling with confusing emotions.
At the same time, they may feel guilty for having these feelings. You could ask the person out for a coffee or a drink, suggest going on a walk, or go to see a band, show or exhibition together. People may turn down or cancel invitations, but still appreciate being asked.
A bereaved person may still need practical support in the weeks after their friend or family member has died. They are likely to find it harder to keep on top of everyday things like cooking, cleaning and gardening, and there might be jobs the person who died used to do for them.
If they need extra financial support, you could help them find out if they are entitled to bereavement benefits. If you think someone who is grieving may need extra help, encourage them to join our Online Bereavement Community , find a local bereavement support group, or speak to their GP.
During the first year after a bereavement, people will be learning to live with their loss. They may start to feel better, and then suddenly feel intense sadness out of the blue. However they are doing, they will still need your support.
Ask them how they are, give them opportunities to talk about things if they want to, and support them to see their GP or a counsellor if they are finding it hard to cope.
Keep inviting the bereaved person to do things with you. You could also plan things together for the future, like organising a trip or booking tickets for an event. That way, they will have things to look forward to in the months to come, and will know you will still be there for them. Bereaved people sometimes find that those around them feel awkward when they talk about the person who died.
Some people who are bereaved find it too painful to talk about their friend or relative who died, so take your lead from them about whether to mention the person in conversation.
In the months after a death, a bereaved person will have to deal with things like birthdays, Christmas and holidays without their friend or relative for the first time. S even years ago, my father was diagnosed with terminal cancer before dying three and a half years later. It was a horrible time, during which I relied heavily on support from friends and family. While I made sure to thank the people who were there for me, I noticed that most remained worried about doing and saying the right thing.
Ninety-five percent of the time, they naturally did. I understand the concern. I know the people who put up photos of my father on Facebook after he died to say they missed him thought they were being kind, but every time it knocked the breath out of me to see his face.
I was never ready for it. Though it was a lovely photo and a nice reminder of where we get our brown eyes and butt chins from , my brother was at work and not expecting it, and so had gotten pretty upset.
He did so much! That was not the time. The NHS might not fund a new one, and we might not be able to cover it ourselves. So their step-mother not their biological mother died? Perhaps to an ex rather than current partner? I know quite a few people who have had this happen to them after bad news. I found support in the yoga and meditation community, and I think part of the reason why is that I found it by myself without anyone preaching to me.
But unless you check on them at 3 a. What we all do know, though, is that appearances can be deceiving.
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